So what does pornography bring to a relationship?
Unrealistic Expectations: The exploit is staged in the “perfect” setting to stimulate arousal. The roles are played by over endowed actors that represent a fraction of the population. Your current partner has little to no chance to meet the expectations. Reality cannot compete with airbrushed photos or perfect lighting and exact camera angles. Porn creates an appetite for something that does not exist in the real world. There is no chance of satisfaction. Which leads to the second thing porn brings to a relationship…
Dissatisfaction: When the mental picture you have of any situation is not consistent with reality the result is dissatisfaction. This dissatisfaction could go in a couple different directions.
Isolations and Self Gratification: One direction motivated by dissatisfaction can be a retreat deeper into the artificial world of porn. This is accompanied with a greater level of fantasy and self gratification through masturbation.
Restless Opportunism: Another direction dissatisfaction can head is toward seeking out in the physical world what is portrayed digitally. This restlessness looks for opportunities to experiment with new levels of gratification within existing relationship or with a new relationship. This becomes a vicious cycle that creates an insatiable appetite that wants more; leading to affairs, prostitution or sexual violence.
ROI in pornography leads to relational and sexual bankruptcy! Pornography brings nothing good to the relationship. People become the objects of sexual gratification, this destroys intimacy. The practice and mind set created will eventually destroy your relationships. Paradoxically, it can and does seriously hamper normal sexual satisfaction in the long run, because of the destroyed intimacy.
Suggestions for Porn users: STOP. Easier said than done! Here are some practical steps.
- Decide WHY you want to stop. List the positive reasons and results. Create a Clear Mental Picture
- Play the film forward. Where would continued involvement lead? Do you like the destination?
- Tell someone what’s going on and that you would like to stop. Begin Accountability, (NOT with your spouse that is WAY too much pressure on your relationship.)
- Develop a Plan. What steps will you take and what do you want the other person to do to keep you accountable. Plan could include: